Get ready to remember everyone’s favorite groundskeeper, Carl Spackler, played by Bill Murray in one of the all-time greatest comedies, Caddyshack. Released in 1980, Caddyshack follows the misadventures of a group of golfers at the upscale Bushwood Country Club, where chaos reigns supreme thanks to Murray’s hilarious portrayal of Carl Spackler, the eccentric and unpredictable greenskeeper. Directed by Harold Ramis and written by Brian Doyle-Murray, Douglas Kenney, and Ramis, Caddyshack has become a cult classic over the years, beloved for its slapstick humor, raunchy jokes, and memorable characters, including Rodney Dangfield‘s first ever silver screen role as the obnoxiously rich, yet charmingly grimy Al Czervik.
So, without further ado, here are the best Bill Murray quotes from Caddyshack.
Related: Bill Murray Reflects on the Time a Painting Saved His Life
1. On his homegrown hybrid
“This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.”
2. Carl Spackler’s license to kill
“Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. A man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case, my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit – ever. They’re like the Viet Cong – Varmint Cong. So, you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that’s all she wrote.”
3. His eternal struggle with the varmint
“Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts! How ’bout a nice cool drink, varmints? Scum… slime… menace to the golfing industry. You’re a disgrace, and you’re varmints. You’re the lowest members of the food chain and you’ll probably be replaced by the rat.
Well, I have been pushed… I think it’s about time somebody teach these varmints a little lesson about morality and what’s like to be a decent, upstanding member of a SOCIETY!
Ok, I guess we’re playin’ for keeps now! I guess the kidding around is pretty much over! I guess it’s just a matter now of pumpin’ about 15,000 gallons of water down there to teach you a bit of a lesson! Is that it? I think it is!”
4. On his Cinderella story
“What an incredible Cinderella story. This unknown comes out of nowhere to lead the pack. At Augusta, he’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away. He’s going to hit about a two-iron, I think. Well, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild. For this young Cinderella who’s come out of nowhere, he’s got about 350 yards left. He’s going to hit about a five iron, l expect. Don’t you think? He’s got a beautiful backswing. That’s – oh! He got all of that one! He’s got to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He’s got about 195 yards left, and he’s gonna – looks like he’s got about an eight iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story. Out of nowhere. A former greenskeeper now about to become the Master’s champion. It looks like a miraculous – it’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!”
5. Watching the ladies play
“Oh, man in the boat overboard. You beast, you savage. Come on, bark like a dog for me. Bark like a dog.”
6. On the ‘doodie’ in the pool
“Here it is! It’s no big deal.”
7. Carl Spackler’s Dalai Lama quote
Carl Spackler: “So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.”
Angie D’Annunzio: “A looper?”
Carl Spackler: “A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand-foot crevasse right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? ‘Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga.’ So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”
8. At the ball cleaner
“Oh, Mrs. Crane, I’m looking at you… You wore green so you could hide. I don’t blame you – you’re a tramp! Ooh! That was right where you wanted it! Ooh, Mrs. Crane, you’re a little monkey woman, you know that? You’re a little monkey woman… You’re lean and you’re mean and you’re not too far between either I bet, are ya? Would you like to wrap your spikes around my head?”
